


Old Ghosts Never Die

by Evilicing



Category: Gravity Rush
Genre: M/M, Past Relationship(s), Possibly Unrequited Love, Spoilers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-07
Updated: 2018-08-07
Packaged: 2019-06-13 02:25:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,155
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15354177
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Evilicing/pseuds/Evilicing
Summary: Xicero is visited by an unexpected phantom from his past, and can finally say the words he couldn't say one hundred years ago.





	Old Ghosts Never Die

The light of Xicero’s candle flickered as he exhaled in annoyance, and as it danced to regain its form, he picked his feather pen back up to finish the last line of his writing for the night. He couldn't concentrate. Not at a crucial time like this.

Queen Alua...

He couldn't get her out of his mind.

He wasn't sure how it happened, but somehow, she was still _alive_. Living, breathing, right in front of his very eyes as she casually appeared in Eto and was escorted in front of him to the Palace just mere days before. It was like she had never left. Still young, unchanged by the time that had passed since her alleged disappearance so many, many years ago.

Of course, Xicero knew all about _that_ tragedy. It still haunted him, even a hundred years later. How he regretted the malice he once bore towards her that had turned her life upside down. The atrocity of it all was that, back then, it was no accident. He truly meant to erase her from Eto. In truth, Xicero was positive that he'd succeeded and that she was dead. He'd kept the details of her assassination a secret, and he'd kept it well. There was no way she could have survived that fall down the Pillar.

And yet here she was, surely sound asleep in her chambers by now. Young Cai had put some kind of spell on her, something Xicero didn't quite understand. If anyone would ever wish to erase the former queen's memories, it should be _Xicero_ , after all... so what reason would Cai possibly have to want her brainwashed? He wasn't even alive back then to know Queen Alua as she once was.

Xicero dropped his pen once more in frustration, this time the sudden sound making him flinch as it clinked against his desk. 

Whatever inspiration he once had, it was all but gone now; his own self-sabotaging thoughts had seen to that. These days, he usually only had time to write for business rather than for pleasure, but how could he possibly relax knowing that the Queen had returned to Eto...? He’d been working so hard lately, too, really ever since he’d been chosen as the Senate Chancellor. He couldn’t remember how many years ago that was, because it all seemed like a blur in his mind. The yesterdays were all beginning to look the same, and sadly, so too were the tomorrows. Everything was… all the same now.

He was getting far too old for this, he reminded himself as he dipped his pen in for more ink. When did he get so damned  _old_ …?

Even with his fragile age, King Cai never took it easy on him. He was surprisingly smart for his age, and he knew that among all of his Circle, Xicero was the most dependable and capable—he knew how to _use_ him to his advantage, in other words. It was somewhat scary, actually, how cunning the child could be. The young king had been quite busy as of late, and now that Alua was back home... 

Xicero didn't want to think about what that meant for the future of not only Eto, but for himself as well.

He shivered slightly, turning to see the wind blow around his curtains violently… wait, had he left his window open earlier? He couldn’t remember—

“I see you’re still writing, Xicero,” said a strange voice, forcing him to realize he wasn’t alone.

Xicero jumped up from his seat to face the intruder, nearly frozen as he managed a feeble “who’s there?!” in with his yelp… he wasn’t sure how to react when the figure came closer into his vision.

It was a man wearing strange clothes, the shirt and trousers both matching in identical pinstripes. Something black and slender was tied skillfully around his neck like a scarf.

Whoever it was, they couldn’t possibly be from Eto. He'd never seen such foreign clothes before.

But even more surprising than his attire was the metal helmet atop the man’s head, completely covering his identity, with long, tangled chords hanging out the back. There was no way to describe the sight other than just… frightening.

Xicero was too scared to move.

It surely wasn’t a coincidence that this masked visitor appeared to him tonight—considering the lost Queen Alua had mysteriously returned to Eto just a couple nights before, Xicero didn’t hesitate to think the worst of the situation. The time had finally come. The punishment he always sees in his nightmares.

He knew it was an assassin, here to make him pay for his sins from the past. And for some reason, Xicero was… oddly accepting of it. He wouldn't ask questions. He wouldn’t fight back.

…That’s what he’d told himself the past one hundred years, anyway, but now that someone was here right in front of him…

Maybe his will to survive was stronger than he’d realized.

He slowly took a few cautious steps away from the man, suddenly aware of how much his body was trembling; the man must have noticed, too.

“Xicero…” the man said again, though his voice was hard to understand through the mask. It was muffled and unrecognizable… except that… “You’ve changed.”

Xicero let his mouth gape slightly, no longer backing away—this man was... he _knew_ him. “You…” The man didn’t seem to mind when Xicero moved closer. “No… it couldn’t be…”

“So you remember me... after all this time.” There was a hint of sadness in the masked man’s voice… no, not sadness—something else.

“R-Remember you…?” Xicero repeated incredulously. “How could I ever  _forget_ , my old friend, after what I—“ He stopped himself, if only because the words were stuck deep in his throat. “How are you still…  _alive_?” he asked weakly, when his voice finally returned.

First Alua, and now _him_ , too...? What was going on?!

“Maybe you should ask the Creator that.”

Xicero gasped as, behind the strange man, was the glowing form of a young boy… no, not a boy... this was...

“G-Great Creator Bit…!” Xicero couldn’t believe his eyes. The Creator only appeared to the Royal Family in dreams, but here he was in Xicero’s own  _bedchamber_. Either that, or he was finally going senile... Xicero shuddered at the thought, though there was a part of him wished he truly was imagining this—his heart was torn.

“The time has come.” Bit spoke slowly in monotone, making every word feel like a warning all of its own. “It's time for her dream to end. That is why we are here, Xicero... but Alua isn't the only one who will soon awaken.”

Xicero swallowed. "What... what do you mean?"

"The woman... in the crystal." Bit locked eyes with him. "Elektricitie."

"No..." Xicero backed away once again. Nothing made sense. Everything was... falling apart.  
  
"I will go to her, for now." Bit was looking at the masked man now. "The rest... I leave to you. Free her, before it's too late."

The man nodded calmly, but by the time Xicero had gathered his thoughts, the boy had already vanished.

Xicero was alone with the masked man now.

He walked closer towards the light, no longer hidden by the shadows—Xicero still didn’t have the words, no matter how he tried to search for them.

“It’s really _you_ … isn’t it?” he choked. He couldn't say his name aloud even if he wanted to. He'd forbidden himself to even think of him for so many years now.

“Yes,” the nameless man said with no hesitation.

Xicero waited patiently for more, but the man didn’t appear to be as talkative as he once was… as much as it pained him, Xicero knew that they were strangers now, after all. A hundred years had passed.  _Everything_  had changed between them. They simply stood there, staring at each other, waiting for the other to speak.

Xicero couldn’t take it anymore; he finally fell to his knees, dropping to lifelessly bow at the man’s feet.

“I… I can’t tell you how many times I’ve rehearsed what I’d say to you, even though I knew I’d never see you again…” He could feel his voice begin to crack. “But now, here you are, and I… I don’t have a single word that could even begin to convey the guilt I’ve felt the past one hundred years… there’s no way I could even begin to _fathom_ what you’ve been through…”

It was useless. Even then, it barely felt like his words could even scratch the surface of how he truly felt. Nothing he could say would ever turn back time and change the horrible, unforgivable things he’d done… both to his friend, and to the former queen.

They both knew that.

“If you’re here to kill me, I… I won’t resist. As long as it’s _you_ doing it, it’s what I deserve.” Xicero had broken now, the tears finally escaping from his eyes. “Please. Do whatever you need to make sure that I suffer just as equally as you have…!”

“ _Xicero_ ,” the man said firmly, stepping closer to silence him. “That's enough... I think you know why I’m here...”

Xicero looked up at the stranger hovering over him… he wiped his face miserably with the sleeve of his robe. Of course. Yes… of course he wasn’t here for him.

He was here for  _her_.

Even after all this time…

Some things never change, he supposed.

No, he didn’t have the right to feel jealous anymore. Not after what he’d done. Instead, Xicero looked up and gave his best attempt at a smile. “Yes. Yes, I do. She’s… under a spell right now, thanks to the young king.”

“I know.” Of course he did. He always knew  _everything_ , and was always two steps ahead of everyone else. Sometimes, it was even borderline infuriating, but…Xicero had always admired him for it just the same. It had always been one of his most unassuming charms.

Xicero slowly stood to his feet. The nearby chair he clung onto for support was the only thing keeping his knees from buckling underneath him again.

“Please,” he begged. “Let me help you… I know that nothing I can do will ever change the past, but… I want to be of service to you, at the very least." He wished the man wasn’t wearing this mask so he could see his face, to see what expression he wore right now as he spoke to him. “Just tell me what you need done, and I’ll do it. Do you need me to unlock the door to her chambers?”

“I’ve already done that,” he answered, and there was a bit of confidence present in his otherwise hollow voice. “But maybe… there is something you can do for me.”

“Yes?” Xicero said, maybe too quickly. “Anything… my old friend.”

“…We’ll need somewhere safe to talk with her. Can you come with me to the throne room? You heard the Creator. We'll need to break her completely from Cai's slumber and find a way to release her memories... if she's not awake already.”

“R-Right away! Just let me get my keys…” Xicero fumbled around in his desk for a moment, still trembling. What was he even _doing_? Surely this was all just a strange dream, but…

“Xicero… thank you.”

Xicero's face fell, crestfallen. “You’re… much too kind to me. You always were. It’s always been one of your weaknesses. If only I’d realized that back then—realized that I never deserved your friendship, maybe things would've have been  _different_ and I wouldn't have done what I—”

“Xicero, there’s no time for—“

“Please… let me say one last thing,” Xicero interrupted, his back still turned.

The man apparently had no objections. He was unnaturally still now.

“After I dropped you to the abyss below, I… I immediately regretted it. I almost jumped in after you, you know… because without you, my life was meaningless. But I was so naïve back then, and I didn’t realize this at the time. Instead, I thought I could pretend it never happened.” Xicero could hardly speak through his tears. “And for a while, I tried. I grieved for you and the Queen, just like everyone else did. I made a name for myself in the Senate, just like I’d always wanted. I thought I could replace you, but… I never could. And every day, my guilt only grew stronger. Until finally… there was nothing left of me.”

“It’s in the past… Xicero.” The man’s voice was cold, like a machine, but there was still a moment where he faltered. “You did me a favor by doing what you did. Thanks to you, I was able to watch over her when she fell to the city below.”

“I’m glad…” Xicero sobbed quietly. “I’m glad… you were able to find her. She’s so lucky to have you at her side, truly.”

“No. She doesn’t know who I am.” Everything seemed to stop when he said it. The man turned away, choosing to look out the window instead of at Xicero. “She has no memories of Eto, even before Cai's spell on her. She’s forgotten it all. Me, you… everything.”

Xicero’s eyes widened, reaching out for him, but he quickly pulled away. It was so unfair, but… what could he say? “I'm... I'm so sorry. I had no idea... I did think it was strange she didn’t recognize me when she first arrived here with that girl, but I thought it was just because I’ve gotten so old…”

And yet Alua herself still looked so young—she hadn’t aged a day in one hundred years, though he wasn’t sure how that was even possible. Did that mean his friend also hadn’t changed…? He wished he could see his face once more—how he missed it!—but something told him that he wore the mask for a reason. He didn’t have the right to ask anything of him now, let alone something so selfish and trivial.

Besides… seeing him now, it would be too much for him to handle. It was bad enough that he had to see Xicero like this, so old and decrepit…

What was he thinking...?

The man finally spoke again. “I had hoped it would bring back her memories, when I finally brought her here.”

Xicero stroked his fingers through his beard. “So, if we were to release her from Cai’s slumber… perhaps her memories as queen would finally return?”

“Only one way to find out.” The man finally turned to face him, and nodded for the door. “But we have to hurry. It’s not too late to back out… if you don’t want to do this.”

“No, no,” Xicero said. “I  _have_  to do this… not just for your sake, but for mine as well. I can’t let Cai continue doing what he’s done… there’s more to him than you’ll ever know, and I can’t bear the thought that Queen Alua must suffer once more because of me.” His tears had all but dried up now, and he stood up straight, proud even—much like he once did so many years ago, when he was still young and strong. “Let’s bring her back… together.”

The man nodded, and they both hurried quickly to the door and through his chambers. Xicero wished they could talk longer; there were so many things he’d still wanted to say, but… no, it could wait.

He had to do this for his friend… and for Alua.

“Follow me, quietly.” Xicero locked his chambers behind them, and they proceeded down the halls.

Xicero couldn’t help but feel nostalgic. How long had it been since they’d walked together like this down the castle hallways, or even through the streets of Eto? The thought was too painful. It had been… too long. And his memory wasn’t what it used to be. Though he hated himself for it, he’d almost forgotten the way his friend would smile at him, the sound of his voice as it echoed through the halls—the way he’d say his name, and the troublesome, irresistible way it held such power over him. All the time they’d spent together, ever since they were both children, all the precious memories he’d taken for granted… how he’d missed him, and missed Alua…

If only he hadn’t thrown everything away.

“Has it… really been a hundred years?” the man asked suddenly, and the question surprised Xicero.

He realized they must have been walking in silence for too long. At least it had given Xicero time to compose himself.

“Yes, if not more.”

“…I hadn’t realized it’s been so long.”

“It’s strange, isn’t it?" Xicero glanced over at him from the corner of his eye. "I never thought we’d meet again like this."

Something nearby must have caught his old friend’s attention, but he was quick to dismiss it, looking straight ahead once again. Perhaps it was nothing, and he was only admiring what the castle looked like after all this time. “I’m sure the mask makes it easier for both of us to talk.”

Xicero could see the throne room straight ahead in the distance. They were almost there. Finally… he could put an end to this, and make amends for everything he'd done.

No, it would never be enough… but still…

He was so thankful he had this chance to see his old friend one last time. It was like a burden had been lifted. And if it meant that Alua would regain her memories and take her rightful place back on the throne…

“Yes, it does. I was such a fool all those years ago."

He was truly, truly a fool.

Even more foolish than the fact he’d fallen in love with this man, was the fact that he had ever let him  _go_. 

 

* * *

 

When Xicero opened his eyes, he'd almost forgotten why he was lying on the floor of the throne room, riddled with pain from the internal wounds that had nearly paralyzed him.

...Things hadn't gone according to plan, he remembers that much. 

Cai had found them. That vicious little brat had finally shown the entirety of his true colors, and Xicero knew for a fact that the boy must be stopped at all costs. He only prayed that Great Creator Bit could help Queen Alua regain her old self again... Eto needed her, more than ever. Xicero was useless now. He'd be no help to anyone like this, dying on the cold floor.  

More than anything, he regretted the situation more for "Alias" than for himself. His old friend—what was left of him—was scattered around in a mess of mechanical body parts all around him. It didn't make sense. So it was some sort of trick, after all... there was never a _person_ inside that mask to begin with, and everything Xicero said was for nothing. Xicero cursed himself for his stupidity. How he wished death would simply just come and take him, once and for all.

He closed his eyes in what he hoped would be the final time, but there was a sudden noise coming from the hall that faintly echoed throughout the room, enough to draw his attention. Xicero tried to listen closely at the sound.

Footsteps? 

No, it couldn't be... even with all the excitement going on tonight, most of the people in the palace were surely still asleep and none the wiser about what their King had done. No one would be here to help him.

Perhaps it was Cai again...? Was he here to finish Xicero off? No, he knew the child better than that; he'd never waste time on a dying old man when he had other, bigger things to tend to. But if not Cai, then who...?

But the footsteps only got closer, and Xicero's heartbeat began to quicken. He wasn't scared of death anymore, but he still couldn't help but worry about who was out there. Who would see him like this before he finally took his last breath...?

The doors to the throne room opened slowly, and Xicero could hardly focus on the figure in the doorway. His eyes were too weak now, and it hurt just to even lift up his head. The footsteps were so close and yet so far as they approached him. Why couldn't he see...?

The closer it came, Xicero knew his mind must be playing tricks on him. Unless it was a ghost, there was no way it could be the man he finally saw when his vision cleared. 

He wore the exact same clothes as the broken pieces of metal limbs thrown about the room, and yet instead of a metal helmet, there was a painfully familiar face looking down at him. This time... could it really be _him_? 

No, there was no mistaking that face. Syd _was_ standing there; there was no doubt. Regardless of what the machine he spoke with earlier was, this man was all too real.

As always, his old friend never ceased to amaze him. He never knew how he did it.

"You're... full of surprises tonight, aren't you?" Xicero almost let out a chuckle, in spite of himself. "Is it really you this time...?"

"Of course." Syd knelt down to take hold of him, supporting him gently in his arms. His eyes were filled with pity Xicero hadn't expected to see. "I'm sorry I couldn't save you."

Xicero shook his head in annoyance. This fool still had the mind to _worry_ about him...? "Don't be ridiculous... Cai was bound to find out sooner or later. Besides, you... didn't have to come back for me."

"I wanted to. Bit told me this was my last chance to say goodbye to you." Syd's eyes had changed to show his determination now. "But I can't stay long... Kat— _Alua_ needs me in the city below."

"Let me get one last look at you." Xicero felt Syd guide his hand to his face. Xicero cupped it gently, trembling as one of his fingers lightly traced over Syd's bottom lip by accident. He hadn't shown any sign of it fazing him, but for Xicero, it was almost too close for comfort. He could hardly contain his embarrassment when he realized Syd was smiling down at him, even after all this time... after everything Xicero had done to him—

A hundred years later, and a mere smile still made his heart race... he had to stop being so sentimental before he embarrassed himself even further. Xicero wished he could look away from him, but the closeness of their bodies made that nearly impossible. Xicero had so much he still wished to say to him, but... how could he possibly form words at a time like this?

"This... strange outfit you're wearing... it suits you."

Well, it was a start.

Syd raised an eyebrow, half-amused. "This old thing?"

"Though I can't deny, you looked much better with that silly mask on." Xicero's quiet chuckle gave it away all too quickly.

Syd clutched his chest as if wounded. "It's not like you to be so candid, where is my Xicero and what have you done with him?"

He was using that teasing tone Xicero never imagined he'd hear again. It was music to his ears.  _My Xicero,_ he had said... he was surely blushing. 

"You would've never admitted something like that to my face a hundred years ago," Syd offered in place of Xicero's silence.

"I suppose not. But when you're as old as I am, there's no reason to..." He studied Syd's calm, golden eyes. "Pretend."

"You were never good at pretending anyways."

Xicero missed their banter more than anything, so much it almost hurt, though perhaps it was the entirety of Syd's company that he truly desired. He felt like his younger self again, maybe just because he was looking so longingly at his friend's ageless face.

"How is it that you and Alua are still so young? I... can't figure it out."

"I hadn't realized it's been a hundred years, but apparently time goes slower down the Pillar than here in Eto." Syd shrugged. "Lucky me."

"That explains it..." Xicero choked on a cough that filled his chest with a sharp pain. "I admit I'm a bit jealous."

Syd must have known how much it pained him to breathe, because he looked down at him sadly once again. "Xicero, I don't want to leave you here like this, but I'm running out of time... and so are you."

It was getting harder to breathe every second.

"Please, there's something else I must tell you," Xicero pleaded, gripping his hand even more tightly than before. The thought of Syd leaving made him feel cold and empty inside... meaningless. "Won't you listen to an old man's dying words before you go...?"

Syd didn't move as Xicero shifted in his arms to sit upright the best he could considering the circumstances. He was waiting patiently for Xicero's words, though how he'd find the courage to say them... 

Xicero didn't know.

Looking into his eyes was only making matters worse. He swallowed hard against the tension building in his throat, and decided to simply say the first thing that came to mind. He didn't care what it was, only that it was the _truth_... Syd deserved that much from him. 

"I know you've always been aware, but... I-I've loved you ever since I was a child, before I even knew how to express it...!"

Xicero would normally feel ridiculous admitting such a thing aloud, but right now it felt detrimental... this was, after all, his last chance. If not now, then when?

"I always knew that my feelings for you would destroy me, and that I shouldn’t feel the way I do about you, but... damn it all, I just couldn't help myself. I knew you would never love me back, but I still wanted to be with you, no matter how much it consumed me...!" He stopped for a moment to catch his breath.

He closed his eyes, because he wasn't brave enough to look at Syd's face anymore... even on his deathbed the words were nearly impossible to choke out.

"My jealousy finally took over. I saw how much you truly cared for the queen, and… I admit that I wished it were me. And when you finally took her side and stood against me, I… I couldn’t take it anymore. I always thought she took you away from me, but I realize now…  _I’m_  the one who pushed you away. Not Alua. And for that… I’m truly sorry. You've given me so much, my friend, and in return... what have I done?"

Syd was far too silent, though he was clearly deep in thought. The contemplative silence was still better than nothing, because at least Xicero was able to observe the small intricacies of his face once again. 

He thought he'd have to wait forever for a reply, but Syd finally took in a short breath. "I've finally forgiven you, Xicero. It's the reason I came back here, because I wanted you to know. That, and I... really did want to see you one last—"

"No, that's enough," Xicero stopped him. He didn't deserve more than that. "That's all I needed to hear.... thank you, I can truly rest in peace now." He smiled the best he could without letting the tears escape from his eyes. "Please, go assist our Queen and stop that insolent child."

Xicero peacefully closed his eyes. He felt his life slipping away more each passing moment... he wouldn't fight it any longer. He was ready. To die in this man's arms wouldn't be so bad, he thought. He wouldn't have it any other way, and yet at the same time he felt so undeserving of such a selfish thing.

He hadn't expected the sudden warmth he felt on his lips, and the weight pressed against him as silver hair tickled over his cheeks. It took him a moment to realize what was even happening between them, and that Syd had even instigated such a thing to begin with. The kiss was chaste at first, but it slowly turned into something more... Xicero could feel the passion, the pain—everything he'd ever _wanted_ was in this kiss. Their bodies melted together perfectly, in an indulgent way Xicero had only dreamed about.

Maybe he was dreaming even  _now_. This couldn't be happening. This moment, in all its clarity, couldn't possibly be real. Whether minutes or hours were ticking by, he wasn't sure... and didn't care. He didn't want this to ever end, because he'd wanted this for longer than he could remember.

Were he a young man again, he'd have grabbed Syd by the collar and pinned him down right here and now on the castle floor, so vehemently that he'd never be able to leave—not from Eto, and not from his side—ever again. Maybe he'd drag him back to his chambers and let his actions speak for him, like he should have done all those years ago. He'd never been good with expressing his words unless they were on _paper_ , after all.

But when Xicero felt himself trying to deepen the kiss further, Syd had already laid him back down gently on the ground. He already missed the warmth of his body... everything was so cold now, except for the rising flush of his cheeks.

A warm tear dripped down Xicero's cheek, even though he soon realized it wasn't his own. 

Syd must have reached for his hand one last time, gripping it tight in his own before he finally stood to his feet.

"Farewell, my old friend..." Xicero whispered weakly, watching as Syd smiled at him over his shoulder one last time. There was no longer pity in his smile, like before when he held him in his arms. No, the smile he wore now was one that brought back far too many memories. It was the same innocent smile that had stolen Xicero's heart long ago, the smile he'd foolishly taken away from him.

He watched as Syd quickly pulled out a device that flashed and circled around like shadows, only to engulf him and then... he was gone. 

Xicero believed in them... in Syd, in Alua, in Bit—he believed in them all. His only regret now was that he couldn't be there to see Queen Alua take back her throne and bring final, _real_ peace to Eto once again.

His final breath was short, but sweet as he felt the burden he'd been carrying on his shoulders after all this time finally disappear. He felt weightless now that his guilt could no longer haunt him.

In its place was a bond that had withstood even the most heinous of betrayals... a bond that would live on, somehow, even when Xicero's body goes still.

 

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> Back at it again with my self-indulgent Syd/Xicero crap <3 this ship just really took me over by surprise, and I'm happy to be able to write something for them finally, even if it is somewhat short. The thought of Xicero dying in the end without forgiveness... ugh, I can't handle that. He seems pretty genuinely changed when you meet him in GR2, and I like to think Syd was able to have a final talk with him, just like Kat did. I have so manyyyy HCs about them from Eto times, but for now, this will do! Thanks for reading!


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